Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
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are supposed to follow the traditional
culture
Use synonyms
,
while
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others reckon that they should maintain their own characters and personality. From my perspective, both tradition and personality are essential during the progress of our society.
To begin
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with, traditional
culture
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is a significantly integral part
in
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of
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our community because we can learn something important from it, which may show
up
Use the right word
us
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cultural confidence and convey
us
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to us
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valuable spirits.
For example
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, there are numerous stories from which we have learned persistence. Following these inspirations, we can shape a better character.
In addition
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,
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culture
Replace the word
cultural
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heritage
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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us to conserve. Traditional
custom
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customs
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and artworks are symbols of our unique cultural confidence. It is necessary that we do our best to
inherit
Verb problem
preserve
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the
traditions
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so that they can be profound.
On the other hand
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, we have the right to be ourselves and possess
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
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stylish
Use the right word
style
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. What’ more,
culture
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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innovation
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and vitality so that it can be developed and inherited better.
For instance
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, some traditional
costume
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costumes
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is old
Verb problem
are
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fashion and complex. As long as people infuse their
innovation
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and add some modern factors, the clothes will become more fitted and fashionable for young people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
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it will attract more and more individuals.
Therefore
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, integrating individual designs and personality is an excellent way to cater for public aesthetic and inject momentum
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
traditions
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
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traditional
culture
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is fundamental,
innovation
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is essential. Both
them
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of them
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are indispensable.
Innovation
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can infuse vitality and energy
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
traditions
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so that the
traditions
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are able to be disseminated more widely and be inherited for a longer period of time.

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task response
In the intro, state your view clearly. The reader should see your stance in the first line.
task response
Give more clear and full examples to back your points. Use simple real life ideas that fit the topic.
coherence
Your main ideas go in order. Topic sentences could be stronger to show the point each paragraph makes.
coherence
Use link words to move from one idea to the next, e.g., also, in addition, but, as a result. Keep sentences short and simple.
grammar
There are many small grammar errors. Check noun forms and verb use. For example, 'young people' not 'youngest'; 'heritage' may be hard; 'culture needs' -> 'culture needs'.
content
The essay keeps the topic in mind and gives two views.
structure
There are three clear parts: intro, body on tradition, body on modern self, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
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