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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The increase in people’s life expectancy means that they have to work until an older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or negative development?

#people’s #life #expectancy #work #age #retirement #alternative #people #development
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Thanks to medical and
technology
Suggestion
technological
 advances in the current society,
human’s
Suggestion
human
 longevity has been greatly improved, which leads to
longer working period
Suggestion
a longer working period
.
Although
Linking Words
 starting working
life
Use synonyms
 earlier seems to be a reasonable solution to the issue, it should not be considered the best alternative to act against the increase in
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy. One of the reasons to deny starting to
work
Use synonyms
 at a younger age is that people during that age are not sufficiently well-prepared for the
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, being made to
work
Use synonyms
 when they have not reached 18 yet, teenagers are not fully aware of the society around them, making them prone to deception and abuse by their older employees. For examples, they can be forced to
work
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 longer hours with lower salary if they do not know much about working regulations.
Besides
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, they have not been equipped with appropriate knowledge and employable skills in the related fields, which made them less potential from the perspective of the employers. Those employees can
also
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 reduce productivity and success of the corporation as a whole.
Furthermore
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, people have not fully developed their physical status yet.
This
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 prevents them from working in the field where some specific health and physical features are needed.
For example
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, working in the army usually requires a certain level of height and weight of an employee to make sure that
individual
Suggestion
an individual
the individual
 can carry out some heavy tasks during their
work
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, those young-aged candidates have to wait until they can fulfil all the requirements to apply for the job.
Besides
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, if they insist
to begin
Linking Words
 their careers, there is high possibility of some
chronical
Suggestion
chronic
chronically
 diseases. These diseases can happen immediately now, which stops them from continuing their career or appear later in their
life
Use synonyms
, affecting their health and longevity. In conclusion, starting to
work
Use synonyms
 earlier to cover up the number of years increased in
human’s
Suggestion
human
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy should not be encouraged. It can impose some negative consequences on the society and human
beings’
Suggestion
being’s
 health status.
Submitted by Thanh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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