IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 paid
work
 is thought by some to be a good experience for children, other people think it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I think that paid
work
 can bring about more problems for children compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of children working for
money
.
Firstly
, children can develop an understanding of the value of
money
.
This
 teaches them that
money
 does not grow on trees and helps them appreciate the hard
work
 needed to earn it.
Secondly
, they take the
first
 steps in learning how to manage
money
. Many older children,
for instance
, have a part time job in order to save for something they would
otherwise
 be unable to afford. Understanding
money
 management,
furthermore
, is useful when, as adults, they will need
to balanced their
Suggestion
to be balanced in their
to be balanced their
to be balanced with their
 finances.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe children could face serious drawbacks from paid
work
. One potentially dangerous problem is that it exposes them to exploitation, through slave labour. In some countries that do not enforce
children
Suggestion
child
 employment laws, they may end up working under extreme conditions or even in life threatening situations for negligible wages. Starting life in
this
 way makes it almost impossible for them to escape poverty as an adult. Another obvious issue is that working may affect a child’s ability to focus on their school
work
.
This
 is a concern as only with a
strong
Suggestion
Strong
 academic performance can a child hope to advance as an adult. In conclusion, being exploited or struggling with academic grades far outweighs any of the minor benefits that could result from children being involved in
work
 experience.
Submitted by ntake98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial independence
  • responsibility
  • valuable skills
  • impact
  • education
  • exploitation
  • negative effects
  • social life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: