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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Smartphones
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 have become a part of our life.
Children
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 are spending hours on their mobiles daily. It is because they are so addicted to it. I think it is a negative development because
children
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’s eyesight is affected by using
smartphones
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 all the
time
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.
To begin
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 with, the reason why
children
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 spend hours on their
smartphones
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 is because they are so much addicted to them. They prefer to spend
time
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 with their mobiles rather than their family because they can do whatever they want to do on their mobile phones like they can watch movies, listen to songs, talk with their friends and much more.
Children
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 love their
smartphones
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.
For example
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, my nephew spends most of his
time
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 on a smartphone because he wants to play games, watch cartoons, etc., and he is so much addicted to it. On the downside, I think it is a negative development because
smartphones
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 affect
children
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’s physical and mental health.
Children
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’s eyesight is so much affected by using
smartphones
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. Nowadays,
children
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 do not take an interest in physical activities and
instead
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 of playing, they prefer to play on mobiles. It has affected their mental health
also
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. For illustration, my brother uses a lot of mobile and his eyesight is affected by
this
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. He spent all of his
time
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 on
smartphones
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. In conclusion, parents should restrict the mobile use of
smartphones
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 for their
children
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 because they are becoming addicted to it and I think it is a negative development because it affects both the physical and mental health of
children
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.
Submitted by sajeehulzamans on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further with more specific examples or evidence to illustrate the points better. This can help enhance your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother transition between ideas.
language accuracy
Consider including a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which nicely frames your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the question directly and provided a response to both parts of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant and you have provided reasons why you think smartphone usage is a negative development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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