IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree?

#proportion #government #budget #disease #prevention #health #education #cure
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Disease
Use synonyms
 prevention is better than cure. Some may ask , Why?
This
Linking Words
 is simply because it is cheaper to prevent a
disease
Use synonyms
 than to treat it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it reduces
cases
Use synonyms
 of
complications
Use synonyms
. Owing to the above,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am completely convinced that it is better to spend a larger proportion of the state's budget on preventive measures rather than on
treatment
Use synonyms
 modalities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is
cheap
Correct word choice
cheaper
show examples
 to prevent an illness than to
treat
Correct pronoun usage
treat it
show examples
. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
,
no
Correct word choice
that no
show examples
 one would be pretty sure of how the
disease
Use synonyms
 is going to progress.
For example
Linking Words
, some
diseases
Use synonyms
 may easily
Add a missing verb
be complicate
show examples
complicate
Replace the word
complicated
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as bacterial meningitis. Any delay to seek
treatment
Use synonyms
 may result
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
complications
Use synonyms
 which are expensive to manage.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is cheaper to avoid new
cases
Use synonyms
 than to treat
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
diseases
Use synonyms
 can easily spread within a community causing outbreaks, which will
then
Linking Words
 cost
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
some
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 of money to control. One clear example is cholera. Cholera can easily spread within hours and it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 expensive to control the outbreaks.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
diseases
Use synonyms
 are difficult to cure
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 drug resistance thereby causing some
complications
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as disability or even death. In
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 it is much better to prevent the
diseases
Use synonyms
 rather than to witness
cases
Use synonyms
 of death or
disablity
Correct your spelling
disability
due to
Linking Words
 preventable
Use synonyms
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, it is better to health educate people on how to prevent poliomyelitis than to have
cases
Use synonyms
 of disability
due to
Linking Words
 poliomyelitis.
Due to
Linking Words
 that,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 concur it is better to spend more on preventive measures than on
treatment
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that it is better for the country to spend more on health education and
diseasea
Correct your spelling
disease
 prevention
inatead
Correct your spelling
instead
 of spending on
treatment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because it reduces
cases
Use synonyms
 of
complications
Use synonyms
.
Above all
Linking Words
, it is cheap.
Submitted by mandychipuriro on

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task achievement
Consider providing more examples or data to support your argument, especially in areas discussing the cost-effectiveness of prevention.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more clearly. Use transition words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of disease prevention over treatment.
coherence cohesion
A strong introduction and conclusion are present, setting the stage and summarizing the essay effectively.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, such as references to bacterial meningitis and cholera.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preventive healthcare
  • health education
  • chronic diseases
  • public health outcomes
  • life expectancy
  • empower individuals
  • medical interventions
  • economic productivity
  • sustainable approach
  • resource allocation
  • root causes
  • vaccinations
  • lifestyle modifications
  • public health campaigns
What to do next:
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