IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period #features #comparisons
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The
graph
Use synonyms
 shows the tourism information office
enquires
Use synonyms
 received in 2011 from
January
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 to
June
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, comparing the
enquires
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 done “in person”, “by letter/email” and “by telephone”. The
graph
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 has a scale from 0 to 2,000 and
register
Correct subject-verb agreement
registers
show examples
 how many
enquires
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 they had in each month divided by type. Observing the
graph
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, we can see that
enquires
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 “in person” raised considerably during the six-month period. On
January
Use synonyms
 400
enquires
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 were registered and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
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, up to 2,000
enquires
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 were done in person, representing a 500% increase.
Enquires
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 by telephone
also
Linking Words
 raised approximately 160% from
January
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 (1,000) to
June
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 (1,600), but
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
enquires
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 by telephone decreased
50
Change preposition
by 50
show examples
%, as we can see that 800
enquires
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 were done
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
January
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 and just 400
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
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. Analyzing the
graph
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, we can
also
Linking Words
 note that the total amount of
enquires
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 increased quickly, approx. 2,000
enquires
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 were done
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
January
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 against 4,000
enquires
Use synonyms
 done
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
Use synonyms
 and that on February the three enquire types had a very similar demand, approx. 600 “in person”, 700 “by letter/e-mail” and 800 “by telephone”, and from March onwards they started to increase or decrease as reported above.
Submitted by natalia.orfali on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, enquires, january, june, “by with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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