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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation?

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Working in another
country
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of their motherland is becoming a popular trend among many
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
, namely
doctors
Use synonyms
 and teachers. Many people explain the situation by pointing out that these people are opting for more working opportunities, which would be
otherwise
Linking Words
 unavailable in their developing
country
Use synonyms
. There are feasible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 brain-drain problem; one to be mentioned is the provision of equal benefits to what these professionals can gain from a prosperous foreign
country
Use synonyms
. There are many reasons
attribute
Wrong verb form
attributed
show examples
 to the flock of migrating professionals. An acceptable explanation is
due to
Linking Words
 the number of job vacancies being widely available in developed countries
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to their counterparts, which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 the intellects
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 a variety of choices,
as well as
Linking Words
 avoid the severe competition in their host nation.
For example
Linking Words
, many
fresh
Change the word
freshly
show examples
 graduated
doctors
Use synonyms
 and nurses in Vietnam have migrated to Japan, where there is a high demand for medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 as their population is getting aged.
Thus
Linking Words
, these
doctors
Use synonyms
 admit they have been rewarded a competitive amount of salary and a learning opportunity with advanced technology, which are the advantages they can hardly ever receive if
worked
Wrong verb form
they work
show examples
 in domestic hospitals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their poor home
country
Use synonyms
. The main possible solution is to improve government mandatory benefits for them. To be more specific, these benefits can vary from providing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free lifetime health insurance to giving them free access to first-class updated labs, libraries and top-notch technology facilities. The Korean government,
for instance
Linking Words
, has provided private homes to
doctors
Use synonyms
 who have a considerable contribution to the
country
Use synonyms
’s medicine industry.
As a result
Linking Words
, most of those who live here believe
this
Linking Words
 is not only an ideal place to carry on and develop their knowledge but
also
Linking Words
 an
honorable
Change the spelling
honourable
show examples
 award the
country
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 gave them. Eventually, they appreciated it greatly
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 it extremely hard to leave the
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, many countries are losing their professionals,
such
Linking Words
 as those who work in medicine and education fields since these people are looking for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 more developed
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. It is vital the government takes action
in preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
this
Linking Words
 brain-drain trend by effective ways to ensure national development.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more distinct and comprehensive. Try to provide a brief roadmap of the main points in the introduction and summarize the key points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed, and each paragraph supports the main ideas with relevant and specific examples. Provide a clear opinion and develop all aspects of the task fully.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Skilled professionals
  • Healthcare systems
  • Education systems
  • Economic growth
  • Dependency on foreign aid
  • Social inequality
  • Quality healthcare
  • Quality education
  • Retain talent
  • International cooperation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Scholarships
  • Professional development
  • Remote work capabilities
  • Local research funding
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