In some country, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#country #stores #development

Thanks to the fast-paced development of e-commerce, the measures of exchanging commodity become diverse. One of those is online shopping which is getting more and more popular. In my perspective, shopping on the internet has its pros and cons. The main advantage is to contribute to the

economic

Suggestion

economy

and the principal drawback

is computer crime

Suggestion

is a computer crime

. On the one hand, online shopping is an effective way for customers to save their time, especially those who have

hectic lifestyle

Suggestion

hectic lifestyles

a hectic lifestyle

. Nowadays, people rather place

order

Suggestion

an order

the order

and have goods delivered to the

door than

Accept comma addition

door, then

door then

go to stores in person.

Besides

, online shopping provides entrepreneurs with

opportunites

a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances

opportunities

to start up their business thanks to the lower expenditure compared with opening a store. To demonstrate, the renting fee is decreased and staff hiring is avoidable if merchants sell their things online.

Moreover

, that the development of e-commerce is getting faster makes

online shops

Suggestion

the online shops

compete enthusiastically with each other.

Then

comes

the better

Suggestion

the best

the good

customer services, the competition amongst sellers takes place.

On the other hand

, shopping on the internet prevents customers from touching commodity physically.

This

results in the customers’

disappointment

Suggestion

disappointed

when they receive the goods which do not live up to their expectation.

In addition

, customers may run the risks of being victimised by computer crime due to no confidentiality. It is prevalent that internet users

are stolen

Suggestion

steal

their personal information while placing order or completing

transaction

Suggestion

transactions

a transaction

the transaction

because of

security hole

Suggestion

a security hole

security holes

Furthermore

shopaholics

Suggestion

Shopaholics

who are not able to resist the temptation of shopping probably cope with

financial burden

Suggestion

the financial burden

financial burdens

Then

comes stores’ increasing turnovers, they attract their customers

Suggestion

to buy

buy

discount or buy one get one

programs

Suggestion

program

This

leads to an increase on demand for goods, along with buyers’ negative financial statuses. The more products customers buy, the worse their economic capability is. To sum up, online shopping brings benefit and convenience, much as some negative consequences of

this

means should be taken into consideration.

Submitted by ntduong.ftu on Mon Jun 03 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some country, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

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