Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #childhood #obesity #parents’ #fault

The

obesity

is becoming

Suggestion

has become

a global concern

since

Suggestion

for

people prone to have it at all

ages especially

Accept comma addition

ages, especially

nowadays, a number of overweight children increase rapidly. Some people think that

this

dramatic increase depends on the policies of the

government

, but I would argue that it

is completely belong

Suggestion

completely belongs

to their parent’s fault. On the one hand, there are many reasons can be put forward to explain

why the

Suggestion

also why the government contributes

why the government also contributes

government

also

contribute an integer fraction of the increase in childhood

obesity

First

of all, over the past, the authorities generally military aid rather than problems relating to the childhood

health

. National bodies rarely campaign citizens for safeguarding their

health

out of the

obesity

through the negotiation of the experts who have a deep insight into

health

troubles.

Secondly

, the

government

put

Suggestion

puts

in all their efforts to control the appearance arbitrarily of the enterprise producing almost the daily

food

for children especially junk

food

. The authorities turn behind

eyes

Suggestion

the eyes

and let these companies found and neglect the

heath

a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease

health

risk they can carry for kids.

On the other hand

, we can not totally put

burden

Suggestion

the burden

on the responsibility for the

government

. The way of

food

treated

everyday

Suggestion

every day

by their parents is the main factor

affects

property of a personal character that is portable but not used in business

effects

Suggestion

the childhood

obesity

. Children often are stimulated due to various

form

Suggestion

forms

of eye-catching advertising stemming from fast

food

brands, and

then

they will put pressure on their parents to buy it,

as a result

, they have to buy these goods impulsively

although

they know

such

food

are

Suggestion

detrimental to their offspring ‘s

health

. To sum up, despite reproaches forward to the

government

involving to the

obesity

in children, I would argue that the parents ‘ fault is a deciding factor.

Submitted by thanhnguyen01051973 on Tue Jun 11 2019

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small and local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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