Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The
obesity
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is becoming
Suggestion
has become
a global concern
since
Suggestion
for
people prone to have it at all
ages especially
Accept comma addition
ages, especially
nowadays, a number of overweight children increase rapidly. Some people think that
this
Linking Words
dramatic increase depends on the policies of the
government
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, but I would argue that it
is completely belong
Suggestion
completely belongs
to their parent’s fault. On the one hand, there are many reasons can be put forward to explain
why the
Suggestion
also why the government contributes
why the government also contributes
government
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also
Linking Words
contribute an integer fraction of the increase in childhood
obesity
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.
First
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of all, over the past, the authorities generally military aid rather than problems relating to the childhood
health
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. National bodies rarely campaign citizens for safeguarding their
health
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out of the
obesity
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through the negotiation of the experts who have a deep insight into
health
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troubles.
Secondly
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, the
government
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put
Suggestion
puts
in all their efforts to control the appearance arbitrarily of the enterprise producing almost the daily
food
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for children especially junk
food
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. The authorities turn behind
eyes
Suggestion
the eyes
and let these companies found and neglect the
heath
a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease
health
risk they can carry for kids.
On the other hand
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, we can not totally put
burden
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the burden
on the responsibility for the
government
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. The way of
food
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treated
everyday
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every day
by their parents is the main factor
affects
property of a personal character that is portable but not used in business
effects
on
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of
the childhood
obesity
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. Children often are stimulated due to various
form
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forms
of eye-catching advertising stemming from fast
food
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brands, and
then
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they will put pressure on their parents to buy it,
as a result
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, they have to buy these goods impulsively
although
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they know
such
Linking Words
food
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are
Suggestion
is
detrimental to their offspring ‘s
health
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. To sum up, despite reproaches forward to the
government
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involving to the
obesity
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in children, I would argue that the parents ‘ fault is a deciding factor.
Submitted by thanhnguyen01051973 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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