IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Why is difficult for people to maintain a healthy diet? Causes? Solutions?

#people #diet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Why is it difficult to create and maintain healthy eating habits? It seems that nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 struggle
in making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 healthy eating choices.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem, which are the lack of
time
Use synonyms
 associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life and the costs of having a rich, varied and good
diet
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life organization and the evaluation of our priorities may help us to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. Most
people
Use synonyms
 today have a busy schedule and,
although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they perform an incredible number of tasks daily, there is limited
time
Use synonyms
 to think about eating healthy and many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that those choices are expensive and complicated,
besides
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
-consuming.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunchtime lasting less than one hour, going to the drive-thru of the fast
food
Use synonyms
 that will quickly deliver you a burger, fries and a soda is very efficient to save
time
Use synonyms
 and money, as these
food
Use synonyms
 networks usually offer good deals.
That is
Linking Words
 why an extensive number of
people
Use synonyms
 make eating unhealthy cheap
food
Use synonyms
 a habit. On the other side, is not difficult to think about ways to change
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, everybody should organize better their life, so they will have
time
Use synonyms
 to stop and eat properly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they need to
priorize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 choices that will bring them
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 benefits,
besides
Linking Words
 the costs that it may have, the gain in health will
problably
Correct your spelling
probably
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 them. That includes eating vegetables, salads,
fruits
Correct word choice
and fruits
show examples
 and avoiding fast
food
Use synonyms
. After starting
this
Linking Words
 process
people
Use synonyms
 might see
that is
Linking Words
 not that hard or expensive to organize their
time
Use synonyms
 and choose to have a
diet
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 good for you. In conclusion, there is an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can not eat a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 nowadays.
This
Linking Words
 essay discussed the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggested that
people
Use synonyms
 should organize their schedules better,
besides
Linking Words
 having budget priorities in order to maintain a good
diet
Use synonyms
 and benefit from it.
Submitted by graziani.correa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Task Achievement: While the essay does cover the topic appropriately by addressing causes and solutions to the challenge of maintaining a healthy diet, the response could be enhanced by being more comprehensive in its discussion of solutions. The writer could provide more detailed and varied examples, and perhaps statistics or expert opinions, to bolster the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas are not fully fleshed out, and transitions between points could be smoother. To improve, focus on enhancing the connections between ideas and expanding upon the supporting points with more in-depth analysis or concrete examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: