Once children start school,teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often thought that
teachers
have a greater influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
both intellectual and social aspects of
children
's development as soon as they begin schooling. I completely agree with
this
view because
teachers
teach them how to sharpen their intellect in
school
and
also
how to build better relationships with one another. The first reason why
teachers
have a bigger influence intellectually on pupils is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they spend a good number of hours together to teach them how to reason mathematically. Their tutors usually engage them in tasks and activities which help to develop to stimulate their mental process and
idea generation
Add a hyphen
idea-generation
show examples
abilities,
this
then
eventually sharpens their intellect.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
some
Correct word choice
though some
show examples
others may think that the time spent on
school
is limited and may not help them to develop intellectually:
this
is often not the case because they mostly use
this
time meaningfully to solve various class works.
For example
, it has been proved by various scholars in studies done across the world that
children
who attend schools are
lore
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
intelligent than those who do not. Another reason why I agree that
teachers
play more roles is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
schools usually have a break period where
children
are allowed to play freely with each other.
This
manner of interaction helps them to develop better in the social aspect. Moreso, when they do
this
under the supervision of their
teachers
, they develop better team spirit which helps them in future.
However
, some could argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
is better done by their parents at home, but the skills that the
teachers
have in doing
this
is a bigger advantage.
For instance
, an online journal I read concluded that
teachers
are more effective in building social relationships among pupils than their parents. In summary,
school
children
benefit more from their
teachers
, who teach them how to develop mentally and socially, when they spend time together in
school
. I,
therefore
, agree that they are the most influential in these two regard.
Submitted by fbjatom50 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Try to quote legitimate studies or examples to support your argument rather than mentioning 'various scholars' or 'an online journal'.
structure
Ensure that your sentences are coherent and follow grammatical rules. There are slight mistakes in your essay, such as 'children who attend schools are lore intelligent than those who do not.' It should be 'more' instead of 'lore'.
content
Make sure to fully explain and elaborate your points. For example, 'the skills that the teachers have in doing this is a bigger advantage' - in doing what exactly?
What to do next:
Look at other essays: