Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, it is widely said that there are various challenges in public

health

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such

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as environmental

pollution

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and housing issues. Some

people

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believe that governments should have some solutions to address these problems.

This

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essay will present my perspective and I agree with

this

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statement. It is important to acknowledge that the quality of residents' lives has gone down a lot because of the impure water and air which are the main factors affecting our daily lives. The outcome comes from industrial activities

such

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as an overwhelming amount of industrial release into the river every day.

For instance

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, there are various rivers in VietNam that are covered by rubbish, so the volunteers have to process the trash to reduce the water

pollution

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Besides

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, using private transport

also

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provides more CO2 emissions into the air, which affects

people

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health

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and leaves a lot of serious consequences.

Moreover

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, the increasing population in our country

also

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create more and more diseases. The overpopulation and poor living conditions is the place of the breeding grounds for disease vectors.

Therefore

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, if the

government

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focus on reducing these dilemmas, these problems will be changed to a great extent.

Nevertheless

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, the preventive measures are that prevention through reducing

pollution

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and improving housing is more cost-effective than treating illnesses after they occur.

Firstly

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, the

government

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can raise public awareness by encouraging them involved in educational programs.

Furthermore

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, the promotion of robust lifestyles can encourage

people

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to adopt healthy habits

such

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as running around the park every 30 minutes a day to boost their mood

as well as

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prevent some issues

such

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as cancer or hurt bones.

For example

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, VietNam organises these campaigns every year to help

people

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improve their mental and physical

health

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Therefore

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, by these actions, the

government

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can enrich public knowledge in caring about themself. In conclusion, it is vital for the

government

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to come up with initiatives to tackle obstacles posed by

pollution

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and housing inefficiency in order to improve the population’s

health

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Although

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this

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activity will take a lot of time, I am deeply convinced that it is a vital way to improve the quality of citizen's life.

Mon Apr 22 2024

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coherence cohesion

You've developed your ideas logically, making it easy for the reader to follow. To further improve, you could make your transitions between paragraphs smoother by using more varied transitional phrases.

task achievement

You've effectively addressed the task and presented a clear viewpoint. To achieve a higher score, ensure that each paragraph fully supports your argument with more specific examples and deeper analysis.

grammar and accuracy

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Practicing complex sentences and using a range of grammatical constructions can refine the presentation of your ideas.

introduction

Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, effectively outlining the topic and your stance.

examples

You provided relevant examples, such as the pollution situation in VietNam, which strengthens your argument.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

356 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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