Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society, it is widely said that there are various challenges in public
health
such
as environmental pollution
and housing issues. Some people
believe that governments should have some solutions to address these problems. This
essay will present my perspective and I agree with this
statement.
It is important to acknowledge that the quality of residents' lives has gone down a lot because of the impure water and air which are the main factors affecting our daily lives. The outcome comes from industrial activities such
as an overwhelming amount of industrial release into the river every day. For instance
, there are various rivers in VietNam that are covered by rubbish, so the volunteers have to process the trash to reduce the water pollution
. Besides
, using private transport also
provides more CO2 emissions into the air, which affects people
's health
and leaves a lot of serious consequences. Moreover
, the increasing population in our country also
create more and more diseases. The overpopulation and poor living conditions is the place of the breeding grounds for disease vectors. Therefore
, if the government
focus on reducing these dilemmas, these problems will be changed to a great extent.
Nevertheless
, the preventive measures are that prevention through reducing pollution
and improving housing is more cost-effective than treating illnesses after they occur. Firstly
, the government
can raise public awareness by encouraging them involved in educational programs. Furthermore
, the promotion of robust lifestyles can encourage people
to adopt healthy habits such
as running around the park every 30 minutes a day to boost their mood as well as
prevent some issues such
as cancer or hurt bones. For example
, VietNam organises these campaigns every year to help people
improve their mental and physical health
. Therefore
, by these actions, the government
can enrich public knowledge in caring about themself.
In conclusion, it is vital for the government
to come up with initiatives to tackle obstacles posed by pollution
and housing inefficiency in order to improve the population’s health
. Although
this
activity will take a lot of time, I am deeply convinced that it is a vital way to improve the quality of citizen's life.Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on
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coherence cohesion
You've developed your ideas logically, making it easy for the reader to follow. To further improve, you could make your transitions between paragraphs smoother by using more varied transitional phrases.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the task and presented a clear viewpoint. To achieve a higher score, ensure that each paragraph fully supports your argument with more specific examples and deeper analysis.
grammar and accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Practicing complex sentences and using a range of grammatical constructions can refine the presentation of your ideas.
introduction
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, effectively outlining the topic and your stance.
examples
You provided relevant examples, such as the pollution situation in VietNam, which strengthens your argument.