IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #education #lessons #school #curriculum
It cannot be disputed that, in the recent decade, people are suffering from a great deal of weight related
health
 issues,
thus
 exerting a burden on the healthcare system. In order to curb
this
 problem, certain demographics of the society believe that schools should introduce more fitness lessons in their curriculum.
This
 essay will completely agree with the aforementioned suggestion and provide substantial evidence to support the statement.
To begin
 with, most diseases faced by the population today are linked to lifestyle factors, namely diabetes, hypertension, heart diseases etc., putting a strain on the healthcare system. A large part of the youth is suffering from obesity,
hence
 developing various
health
 problems prematurely. The reason for
this
 increasing trend of overweight individuals can be linked to sedentary pursuits, enjoyed by the youth today. Unlike olden days, children no longer engage in outdoor activities, rather stay in the comfort of their homes to communicate and play with their friends online. A study showed that among 100 children interviewed at a local
neighborhood
a surrounding or nearby region
neighbourhood
 regarding the way they spend their leisure time,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
 of them chose sedentary activities like watching television or playing video games.
Therefore
, it can be discerned that lack of proper education and awareness is a major factor
for
Suggestion
in
 these unhealthy life choices. Schools can be the key players to address
this
 matter urgently, by incorporating physical education as part of their regular curriculum.
This
 will enable children to learn the importance of having an active lifestyle
,
Accept space
,
as well
as encourage to
Suggestion
as to encourage
 them
participate
Suggestion
to participate
 in various sports activities, which will not only improve their physical
health
, but
also
 mental development. To conclude, I believe that introducing more physical education lessons in school curriculum is essentially a great way towards shaping a considerably more
health
 conscious society. Educational institutes should come forward with better strategies to encourage children towards healthy lifestyles.
Submitted by arunima_0101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: