IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As populations grow and cities become more crowded, there is pressure throughout the world to construct ever taller buildings to provide accommodation and offices. Many people object to such developments citing the social as well as the physical dangers. What benefits do skyscrapers bring? Do you agree with the objections to skyscrapers?

Skyscrapers
Use synonyms
 are a feature of modern cities in the world. They provide
much needed
Use the right word
much-needed
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 accommodation as both homes and businesses
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that we should not build
skyscrapers
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 for safety and aesthetic reasons. I think these factors need to be taken into account when planning
such
Linking Words
buildings
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. Tall
buildings
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 can offer a solution to the problem of overcrowding that blights many of our cities today. They can accommodate large numbers of families in a relatively small area
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therefore
Punctuation problem
, therefore
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 allowing for other amenities
such
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 as parks and leisure facilities. Businesses can
also
Linking Words
 take advantage of
skyscrapers
Use synonyms
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 them the opportunity of having their premises located in the centre of a city
ensuring
Punctuation problem
, ensuring
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 that their employees can easily access their work. A final and not insignificant benefit of
skyscrapers
Use synonyms
 is that they can provide light and airy spaces for city living and working
offering
Punctuation problem
, offering
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 spectacular views of the city
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be beneficial to health and well-being. Despite these advantages, there are many
people
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 who object to
this
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 type of architecture
saying
Punctuation problem
, saying
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 that
skyscrapers
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 are dangerous, particularly in places where earthquakes occur. Another concern about tall
buildings
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 is the danger of
people
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 becoming socially
isolated
Punctuation problem
isolated,
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 as it is more difficult to meet
people
Use synonyms
 than it would be at ground level and with a private garden.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 isolation can lead to
further
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 problems
such
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 as suicide risks or extra health costs.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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people
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 feel that the lack of green space afforded to the dwellers of high-rise flats is a distinct disadvantage, especially for children. Given our current rate of population growth
world-wide
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worldwide
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,
however
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, I believe that
skyscrapers
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 are a necessity rather than an option.
Although
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such
Linking Words
 tall
buildings
Use synonyms
 have obvious disadvantages, if these are well
managed
Punctuation problem
managed,
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then
Linking Words
 the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 type of architecture far outweigh the dangers. I personally feel that, having considered the evidence,
skyscrapers
Use synonyms
 offer the best way of providing
much needed
Use the right word
much-needed
show examples
 accommodation in many of the world’s cities.

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coherence
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to show the main idea.
content development
Add more exact examples or facts to back up points.
grammar
Watch long or awkward phrases and try shorter, plain sentences.
structure
End with a strong closing line that restates your view and sums up the main ideas.
stance
Clear view and a balanced talk on good and bad points.
content
Good range of ideas on city life and how tall buildings help.
coherence
The text moves well from one idea to the next.
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