IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience..

#figures #show #crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now a
days
Suggestion
day
,
crime
Use synonyms
 among the youngsters is a common problem.
Recently
Suggestion
Recent
 pictures
shows
Suggestion
show
have shown
 that an increase in
crime
Use synonyms
 among the individuals which is under the age of 18. Some of the psychologist says that number of of crimes were increased during the usage of
Internet
Suggestion
the Internet
 and social networks. But
sum
Suggestion
the sum
 of the psychologist said that individuals need the learn from teachers and parents I will discuss points of
agree
begin to seem older; get older
age
 in
upcoming paragraphs
Suggestion
the upcoming paragraphs
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, today
Crime
Use synonyms
 among the youngsters were increased because
of some people cannot
Suggestion
some people cannot
 do any
work
Use synonyms
.
whole
Suggestion
Whole
 day people free from
work
Use synonyms
. Most individuals cannot do
work
Use synonyms
 with families and
also
Linking Words
 did not spend their time with family among the parents and children there are no bonding. But parents are way to learn something and helps each other. We can say that parents our helpers of own children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in schools and
colleges individuals
Accept comma addition
colleges, individuals
 learn good manners from teachers. But today individuals go for
crime
Use synonyms
 like thief and murders. Mother is a big
Use synonyms
crime it's
Accept comma addition
crime, it's
 punishment
also
Linking Words
 very big. But if we learnt from teachers and parents we can not do any type of the
crime
Use synonyms
. But
now a days
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
 people do not
work
Use synonyms
 on own manner. It depends upon on thinking what will we do or not.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters do
crime
Use synonyms
 because of own bad friendship. Bad friends make bad habits to
us but
Accept comma addition
us, but
 it
also
Linking Words
 depends on own behaviour. Parents avoid these types of bad relations among children. Today government started some health centres for drugs
use
to the same degree (often followed by 'as')
as
 individuals. Drugs are
also
Linking Words
source
Suggestion
sources
 of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Drugs
Suggestion
Drug
 sales in every city and country today.
Crime
Use synonyms
 is a worldwide problem among youngsters. In conclusion, according to my extent I will agree
from
Suggestion
with
this
Linking Words
 essay statement. People know that
crime
Use synonyms
 increasing day by day with the help of drugs
also
Linking Words
. We will avoid drugs and learning from teachers and parents.
Dekh
Suggestion
 cannot guide for good theme deck and guide from
bad thing
Suggestion
bad things
a bad thing
.
Submitted by ramanpreetsahi340 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: