IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that a person’s criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person’s #record #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people argue that a juvenile’s criminal record should be relieved when he reaches eighteen years old. I completely argue against
this
Linking Words
 view because it could be very harmful for the society to release them without considering other factors other than their
age
Use synonyms
. Primarily, it could not be known whether the person is rehabilitated, just because of his certain
age
Use synonyms
. Many of the adult convicts who perform serious crimes
such
Linking Words
 as murderers and rapist, start their unjust career as a petty wrongdoer in the earliest period of their time of life.
This
Linking Words
 proves that the seriousness of misconduct increases with their growing
age
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is very unwise to waive their name from criminal list based on their
age
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 very vital to evaluate the behaviour of young felony before renouncing their name. The increase in the convict
age
Use synonyms
 does not guarantee the improvement in his behaviour, but most of the time
this
Linking Words
 could make them more calculative and careful
on
Suggestion
of
 their
next
Linking Words
 crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, the documentary titled “I am a Killer” in Netflix has shown that most convicts become more cautious with their crimes as they grow older. In conclusion, I believe that the name of the criminals should not be deleted from their record because
age
Use synonyms
 could not guarantee their transformation and the behaviour of
morally deviated person
Suggestion
morally deviated people
a morally deviated person
the morally deviated person
morally deviated persons
 could not be determined by their
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ahutgautam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: