IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The concept of boosting
sport
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 and
art
Use synonyms
 in school
instead
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 of sponsoring their events in society is a controversial tissue, in
this
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 essay, I shall elaborate on ,
as well as
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 I shall reveal my point of view.
To begin
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 with,
art
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 and
sport
Use synonyms
 are considering a crucial topics nowadays.
besides
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, we are living in the Renaissance era.
Thus
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, those subject are very significant;
therefore
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, the authorities should inhence them in the schooling stages.
Consequently
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, the effect of teaching like those material will be reflected on the children in the future. In general, the prons of the
art
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 and
sport
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 are countless and
also
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 we need like those talents in our live.
Hence
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 it should be inherited from generation to another,
for example
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: Picasso was the most famous artist and Beethoven was the most famous musician in the world and we are still evaluate them arts .
Moreover
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,
sport
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 has alot of benefits in maintenance the body in a healthy state.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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 the sponsoring sports and
art
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 activities in the country is
also
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 a good step in upgrading the nation,
as well as
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this
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 action enable the government to communicate with the other nations
for example
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: the participating of world cup champions.
Additionally
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,
this
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 step has a positive aspects on the trade and tourism , because the impact of
art
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 and
sport
Use synonyms
 in attraction folks from over the world. In the nutshell, the notion of
sport
Use synonyms
 and
art
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 in school or in community is a very crucial idea .
Hence
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, they have a pros and benefits toward the country
as well as
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 community,
according to
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 my opinion I wholeheartedly concur the idea of applying
this
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 topic on schooling stage.
As a result
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, authority initiates growing students in learning like those useful subjects.

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grammar
Work on the grammatical errors and sentence structure to make your essay clearer and easier to follow. For example, avoid run-on sentences and incorrect punctuations.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is linked logically to the next paragraph. This will help improve the overall flow of the essay.
structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
content
You have made an effort to support your main points with examples, which is great for developing your arguments.
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