Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #money #arts

It is undeniable that the arts

have played

Suggestion

played

a crucial role in human society for ages,

however

, there has been concern among some individuals that government’s revenue are being contributed excessively to

this

creative field and that it could be effectively allocated elsewhere. While I partly agree with

this

view, I will argue that investment in the arts is worthy. There’s no denying that authority must equally

distributes

Suggestion

distribute

money to a vast number of priorities which are immensely essential for the community as a whole,

such

as education, infrastructure, health care, economy and welfare. They are all key features which have the direct impact on the

life

’s quality of billions of people worldwide. Developed nations with high standard

life

, namely, Sweden, Denmark, The UK, The US are investing a multitudinous amount of money on those mentioned sectors annually to secure a

comfort

Suggestion

comfortable

life

for their citizens. Despite of the fact that national leaders should prioritize the factors above when considering the distribution of state budget, they should acknowledge the importance of

arts

Suggestion

the arts

to the population and countries as well. They considerably help us to alleviate stress in the busy modern

life

For example

, after a

long tiring

Accept comma addition

long, tiring

day at work, people often opt for movies or artistic performances to unwind themselves.

Furthermore

arts

Suggestion

the arts

Suggestion

are also considered

also

considered the cultural bridge between the past and the present of one’s country. Youngsters attain comprehension and useful knowledge about their country in an accessible way through recreational artistic forms. Some popular traditional artwork in my country which deserve to be mentioned is ‘’Dong Ho paintings’’ which depict the daily

life

of Vietnamese in the past or ‘’

Suggestion

Tru Hue’’- our national cultural heritage recognized by UNESCO. In conclusion, I agree that state funding should be spent wisely for various purposes, it’s completely worth it to be allocated for the arts.

Submitted by lan.hoangnguyen25 on Tue Jul 16 2019

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enriching society
promoting cultural understanding
development of talent
creative industries
economic benefits
generate revenue
cultural heritage
identity
prioritize spending
needs of the majority

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