IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be beer spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts #beer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by some that the
government
 is squandering
money
 on the arts, and
this
money
 could be better spent on vital areas. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the state should not be frivolous with
money
 and spend
this
money
 on vital areas
such
 as
education
 or
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
. A good reason not to waste
money
 on the arts is that art does not play a vital role in
society
, and it has more detrimental effects on
society
 as a whole. One of these problems is that some art encourages rebellion against the
government
 as it fuels violence and incites hatred.
This
 could lead to deleterious impacts on
society
 in the long run. Another obvious issue with the arts is that it can be used by some artists to criticize religion, and
this
 is deeply offensive.
As a result
, the
government
 is not obligated to spend
money
 on
somethings
Suggestion
some things
 can bring about more problems. Another point to consider is that funding ought to be better granted to more pressing social issues. To put it another way, any
country
 in the world now is suffering from critical problems on how it can support people’s basic needs,
such
 as
education
,
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 system, and providing clean water.
For example
,
education
 should be prioritized over the arts because increasing the number of educated people will bring greater rewards to
society
 as a whole. If a
country
 has a great resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals,
this
 can bring more economic advantages to
this
country
 in the long term.
Finally
, the
government
 is not responsible to spend
money
 to protect the arts because there are enough wealthy patrons around to subsidize the arts.
For instance
, a businessman in Egypt donated over ten millions of dollars to construct an art gallery because he is considered one of the art-loving people in the
country
.
Furthermore
, the
money
 generated from entry fees can be used to restore and protect artworks.
This
 income from entry fees means that the
government
 will have more
money
 to spend on vital areas. In conclusion, it is better if the
money
 was allocated to support people’s basic needs,
such
 as improving the
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 system or funding higher
education
instead
 of wasting
this
money
 on the arts. Art will not help people to find a job later on.
Submitted by hworld300 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: