IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoos #entertainment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now days, there are different prospects about
keeping
Suggestion
the keeping
 of animals. Most disagreements are about how to keep creatures and what should be the conditions. I will discuss these views in diverse directions of environmental, personal, and economic perspectives. One of the most important advantages of keeping animals in zoos, is
protect
Suggestion
protecting
 them from bad weathers, hunters, and feeding accessibility. In spite of
this
Linking Words
, if we create a lot of restrictions on animals
such
Linking Words
 as, imprisonment them in tight spaces, they would not be able to have bracing air and pursue other animals.
Linking Words
consequently
Suggestion
Consequently
, circumstances of keeping creatures are vital for living them.
living
Suggestion
Living
 animals in natural dweller must be
major program
Suggestion
a major program
the major program
 for caring them
in
Suggestion
to
 run the world, to give them the chance
to
Suggestion
of
 exposure usual being. Some animals are becoming
extinct
Accept comma addition
extinct, therefore
therefore
Linking Words
, saving them is very crucial.
Linking Words
although
Suggestion
Although
 huge budget is spent on keeping
their
belonging to them
theirs
, the revenues will offset all costs. Take a kind of Chinese bear famous as
panda
Suggestion
a panda
,
for instance
Linking Words
; a wide range of people
travel
Suggestion
travels
 to
china
a communist nation that covers a vast territory in eastern Asia; the most populous country in the world
China
 to see these animals in zoos or circuses every year.
notwithstanding
Suggestion
Notwithstanding
; most citizens decline the investment of governments for caring animals and find it as futile.
they
Suggestion
They
 prefer that states invest in improving infrastructure,
such
Linking Words
 as
build
Suggestion
a build
the build
 of highways, airports, hospitals and so on.
Linking Words
this
Suggestion
This
people
Suggestion
person
consider
Suggestion
considers
 the development of
country
Suggestion
the country
 more important than conservation of animals. In the end,
animals caring
Accept comma addition
animals, caring
 plays an important role in the advancement of scientific
research whereas
Suggestion
research, whereas
this
Linking Words
 approach has been rejected in sakes of morally and
religious
Suggestion
religiously
.
most
Suggestion
Most
 people believe we have no right to use animals of amusement and in labs. As has been noted, keeping animals in zoos might have countless advantages in provided that they are not kept away from their natural habitat. Reasonable causes behind that, respect the rights of animals to have better living conditions.
Submitted by javad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: