IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #children #school #law #work
There are stringent laws in
few countries
Suggestion
a few countries
 to restrict minor children to drop out
from
Suggestion
of
school
 and join full-time job. In
this
 essay, I will detail the positives and negatives of the same. At
first
, children under 16 are allowed to work in
few countries
Suggestion
a few countries
. There are multiple reasons for kids to withdraw from
school
 and join
work
Suggestion
the work
. Kids do not like the subjects, and the programme does not interest them.
Other
Suggestion
Another
 reason is due to fund shortage at home, and family pressure. Based on a recent study by Nielson, the major factor for the kids to stop going to a
school
 is due to the cost of
education
. The countries which have huge fees have very less students
enroll
register formally as a participant or member
enrolled
for
Suggestion
in
 higher
education
. The federal government must consider
education
 as the pragmatic priority in
this
 era. It is the responsibility of the federal officials to provide equal
education
 for
every one
all people
everyone
 in the
country
.
However
, few countries have laws which
does not allow
Suggestion
do not allow
 minor students to be exempt from
school
.
For example
, countries like The United States provide free
education
 in the
country
. If a kid is absent for
few days
Suggestion
a few days
, the local officers are notified to check the reason behind the
absense
the state of being absent
absence
. It is the primary job of every
country
 to offer schooling at
affordable price
Suggestion
affordable prices
an affordable price
. During under age, the kids will not have enough experience about the world. The
education
 department and the local officials should guide the students, and support them till they are ready for a job. In conclusion,
under age
not of legal age
underage
 kids need to be provided with the right opportunity to excel in
future
Suggestion
the future
. Every
country
 should adopt rules, so that minor children under 16 age continue studies. In my opinion,
its
it is
it's
 a bad thing for any
country
 to have kids drop out of
school
.
Submitted by ayyswarya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: