There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

#person #company #believe #money #reason

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Nowadays, many people believe that employees work in one place because they have a desire to collect money for daily needs. I do not disagree with that statement

due to

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there are other perspectives they stay at the same company for a long

time

Use synonyms

First,

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workers serve for a long

time

Use synonyms

as an effect of the environmental situation. These happen when they have supportive coworkers and conveniences during work,

although

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sometimes do not have better salaries than other companies. But in fact, it can keep their mental health healthy during an assignment.

For instance

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, it happens with people who already have experience working in top firms but they not strong enough to handle it and

finally

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resign. Move to a small company that can support their daily needs as basic but give freedom during duties.

On the other hand

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, they keep working in the same place in consideration of family.

Additionally

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, it happens for people who have responsibilities to take care of their family members

while

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they do not have a chance to manage their career and private

time

Use synonyms

at the same

time

Use synonyms

As a result

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, they choose the company

that is

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near their family.

For example

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, younger parents who just have a new child, especially mothers tend to resign or have jobs near their homes. Take care of their children, which

also

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means that they sacrificing their career and have stagnant revenue.

To conclude

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, money is one of the crucial things in our daily needs, but there are many options too, why a person stays in the same position for a long

time

Use synonyms

Furthermore

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, external demands or their responsibility in their family make them switch their duties to manage that reason.

Submitted by nabilah.sasa09 on Thu Dec 19 2024

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task achievement

To enhance the task achievement, provide a clearer stance on the argument. It is somewhat unclear whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Make this explicit in the introduction and maintain consistency throughout your essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the points are more clearly explained and connected. Each paragraph presents a distinct main idea, but smoother transitions and a more structured logical flow between them would improve the essay's coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

While you have provided examples, try to make them more detailed or varied to fully support your points. Also, connect them back to your main argument to strengthen your task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, both of which help frame your discussion well.

task achievement

You have identified several reasons beyond money that can motivate someone to stay with a company, showing a good exploration of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Directors and managers are mostly older people. Some people believe young people will become better leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Buying things on the internet, such as books air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantage of shopping in this way weight the disadvantage