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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #focus #extinction #species #attention #beings
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Nowadays, more and more people concern about protecting endangered animal species.
However
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, some people think that solving issues related to human beings should be prioritised. In
this
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 essay, I shall provide both point of views and give my personal opinion about
this
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 topic. On one hand, as it is widely known that the animal biodiversity in tropical countries
such
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 as Indonesia and Philippine should be maintained for keeping the balance of nature. Unfortunately, the number of exotic animals in those countries, namely one-horned rhinoceros, orangutans, Sumatran tigers, and elephants, is decreasing year by year.
This
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 phenomenon is caused by several reasons,
for example
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 illegal-logging and illegal-hunting. The government has
built natural
Accept comma addition
built, natural
 conservations and enforced the law to tackle
this
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 issue.
On the other hand
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, building natural conservations and relocating those animals require huge amount of budget while those developing countries are still struggling with improving the social welfare. Several social issues,
such
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 as crimes, poverty, sexual violence, uneducated people, and child labour, need to be solved. The government needs to allocate
huge amount
Suggestion
huge amounts
a huge amount
 of money to
do
engage in
make
 some improvements,
such
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 as building schools in some remote areas, creating more job opportunities, funding for elderly people, and so on. These social issues need to be solved as soon as possible if a country
want
Suggestion
wants
 to develop quickly, so the government can focus on animal welfare after that. I am certain that focusing on both issues at the same time is not realistic for developing countries, considering our limited budget. To sum up,
although
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 preventing the extinction of endangered animal species is important, I believe improving social welfare should be prioritised, especially in developing countries
such
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 as Indonesia and Philippine.
Submitted by mega.watty1994 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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