IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that the phenomenon of working long
hours
Use synonyms
 is ubiquitous across the globe
due to
Linking Words
 its importance. The Majority of folks are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 its number of merits.
However
Linking Words
, some people highlight its demerits first. In my
further
Linking Words
 paragraph, the advantages and disadvantages of the same will be discussed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, spending more time at a job invariably means making more money.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my friends works in a coffee shop eight
hours
Use synonyms
 a day because he wants to earn more money for his studies and his family. Another benefit is if an employee spends more and more
hours
Use synonyms
 at the job so that he can gain lots of experience and opportunities.
Hence
Linking Words
, increasing demand for an individual in the corporate world as they progress in their career. On its darker side, some of the drawbacks that make it problematic are
first,
Linking Words
it is mostly lost of leisure time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, working more
hours
Use synonyms
 in jobs can cause physical health or illness.
For instance
Linking Words
, research reports show that people who work more
hours
Use synonyms
 in jobs number of sicknesses that they are faced with like headaches, and pain in the whole body.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, they did not get to spend more time with their family members. In conclusion to the above statement, neither its pros can be neglected nor its cons. It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. In my opinion, the statement should not be underestimated.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you are directly addressing the question and presenting a clear viewpoint throughout the essay. Consider evolving a more nuanced discussion on the benefits and drawbacks of working long hours, and ensure that the conclusion effectively summarises your position on whether there are more advantages or disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows into the next with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases. Additionally, make sure that your introduction introduces the topic and your stance clearly, and that the conclusion summarises the main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: