IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it could cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
A school of thought opines that there could be some concerns if the elderly populace is permitted to continue the
job
 even after attaining the retirement
age
. I bolster
this
 notion because it would curtail employment in youngsters and health is
also
 one of the pivotal issues. To embark on, unemployment in young generation would prevail. The working senior citizens take up the places that could be well served by the young blood. With
exponential rise
Suggestion
the exponential rise
 in the world population,
job
 prospects are mitigating, and if the retired workers keep on working,
then
 there would be
meager
of greater importance or stature or rank
major
 slots for the upcoming generation to fill.
Therefore
, it would result in unemployment. To exemplify, in Nepal, the golden-aged folks pursue
job
 until the
age
 of 70, and a humongous proportion of the young mind is unemployed owing to the deficiency of work. To elucidate
further
, the elderly masses are vulnerable to health problems. With
age
, myriad issues either negligible or enormous becomes part and parcel of life.
This
 would not only affect the firms’ environment, but
also
 at home as the person engaged in the assigned duties would be unable to give the best to the employer physically and mentally. Pursuing a
job
 invites stress, which exacerbates the problems.
Hence
, the senior citizens are not suitable to carry on a vocation keeping in mind the sensitive problems that accompanies the old
age
. To encapsulate,
although
 there might be some pros of having experienced employees on the verge of retirement, allowing them to work beyond a certain point would not be a welcoming affair owing to the increment in the unemployed young generation and myriad health repercussions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: