IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
It is believed in some countries that youngsters should be motivated either to find a job or to travel for a whole year after finishing school and before the start of higher education studies. Young people working or travelling can learn the value of
money
 and improve their self-esteem but there are
also
 disadvantages that should be considered. On the one hand, there
is
Suggestion
are
 a number of advantages to youngsters decided to be engaged to work or travel.
Firstly
, one benefit of working is that they can learn the value of
money
. It is crucial as they can realize how hard it is to earn
money
 and the importance of saving up for the future.
Secondly
, travelling and working for young people is advantageous because it can improve their self-esteem. If they travel or do work, they will get experience and skills which are important for their future
such
 as patience.
As a result
, they will able to deal with different circumstances that they may face.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages to
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 and working
of
Suggestion
with
 young people. One problem is that
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 might lead to unneeded
money
 expenses.
In other words
, the
money
 budget of
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 could be used
instead
 to pay college fees later on. Another possible issue is that there are activities might be more important than
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 and working they can do to improve their skills
such
 as taking workshops in leadership or learning foreign languages.
For example
, those who have the ability to lead could manage to be the head of
student union
Suggestion
the student union
 in
college which
Accept comma addition
college, which
 might benefit them in finding job opportunities in the future.
such
Suggestion
Such
 as In conclusion, while youngsters can learn
from
Suggestion
about
 the value of
money
 and enhance their self-esteem from
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 or engaging in work, it can
also
 lead to some disadvantageous.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: