The rise of digital technology has led to a significant increase in mental health issues among young people. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions could be to address it?

The growth of digital
technology
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has led to a dramatic rise in mental health problems among youth. There are several reasons for
this
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syndrome, which will be discussed in
this
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essay with their possible solutions. The main primary reason is the addiction to
technology
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among young
people
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because they overuse
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technology
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. Teenagers are wasting a lot of time on mobiles, laptops, or other appliances.
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could affect their ability to leave these devices.
Moreover
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, young
people
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are using these devices all the time. They use it before they sleep or after they wake up, which leads to addiction to digital
technology
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.
For example
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, a survey was conducted by Cairo University among students. They found that 87% of the students have been addicted to the
technology
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because they are overusing the
technology
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. The solution is to control themselves and not to use their telephones before they sleep. Another main reason is that
technology
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has made it easy to communicate between young
people
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. Youth use their devices to chat and call their friends and families, which helps them to know each other and ease the communication.
Therefore
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, young
people
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prefer to stay at home and become more introverted rather than being extroverted. They don't want to meet
people
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or be active. For a solution, teenagers must try new things which help them to explore and discover.
This
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would enhance their ability to communicate with the outside. In conclusion, young
people
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are addicted to
technology
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, so they need to have self-control over themselves.
Also
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,
technology
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has adapted new techniques to communicate and no need to meet each other. But
,
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young
people
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should try to know what the world looks like and learn new things.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to make the introduction more engaging. Expand the conclusion to summarize the main points more clearly.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic, some ideas lack depth and detail. Try to give more examples and explain your ideas fully in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your examples, like the survey from Cairo University, add credibility to your points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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