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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Around the world, it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and accessible. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is true that
due to
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 the affordability and accessibility of computers now, working and studying from home is
now
Rephrase
apply
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within people's reach.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my own perspective, I believe that
this
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 tendency can only
give
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact. One issue to consider is that working
at
Change preposition
from
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 their own residence causes less productivity.
While
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 computers can bring convenience to employees,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can
also
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 result
for
Change preposition
in
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 more unfinished tasks.
For instance
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, since a person is away from
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 environment
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as offices, there will be less pressure and motivation from
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 boss to finish the assignments. Another problem for workers is that it gives less interaction with people. Despite the benefits of saving time and money when the job is
at
Change preposition
apply
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within their house, it can only lead to
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
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 of social skills. Rather than delivering
a face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
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 communication with clients, employees are
oftentimes
Rephrase
often
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 alone and talk to clients only on computer screens.
Hence
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,
this
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 trend can bring
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the employees. As for children studying at home,
this
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 can
likewise
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 give them disadvantages.
Firstly
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, children are prone to distractions. They often failed to study because they
lack
Wrong verb form
lacked
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 focus on their lessons.
For example
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, the usage of gadgets
such
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 as a computer for studying can
also
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 be
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
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 for gaming and browsing other
off topic
Use the right word
off-topic
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 links.
Consequently
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, their study is ineffective.
Moreover
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, just like adults in the workforce, children may not be able to develop
well
Correct word order
apply
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their communication skills
.
Correct word order
well.
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This
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 is true since there is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 absence of
classroom
Correct article usage
a classroom
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 environment wherein other students are present.
Thus
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,
this
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 is regarded as negative. In conclusion, even though there is an advantage seen in the convenience of people
to work
Wrong verb form
working
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 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 educated at home, I consider that
this
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 can only bring about more problems for them in the future.

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