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Band 6

Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Agree or disagree?

#leisure #industry #people #technology
Technology
 advancement has an impact on how
people
 spend their leisure time. There is an argument stating the increasing number of modern
technology
 usage makes the level of creativity downfall than before. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
 statement. Even though in fact, there are definitely changes in the way
people
 entertain themselves
due to
 technological advances, it does not mean humans will become less creative. Nowadays,
technology
 enables us to learn new skills easily
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and provides
people
 with numerous platforms to encourage creativity. An innovation breakthrough in
technology
 like smartphones and the internet makes it easier for mankind to acquire new skills and hobbies. In
this
 modern era,
people
 can easily join online classes discussing topics they are interested in.
For instance
, we can study digital marketing on YouTube, join online
boothcamp
Correct your spelling
boot camp
Bootcamp
, or even follow free classes provided by Udemy.
This
 way is totally easier than before when
people
 had to pay the amount of money and commute to join
a live sessions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a live session
live sessions
show examples
 of class.
Moreover
, these days, the internet enables us to access many platforms that either directly or indirectly influence how to be more creative. From YouTube and TikTok, we can watch videos stimulating our
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 to think out of the box to create content that can attract audiences. In sum, it is true that
technology
 change how
people
 use their leisure time.
However
, I believe it is false if we say that
technology
 can make
human-less
Correct your spelling
humans
show examples
 creative. In fact,
people
 can be more creative
due to
 easy access to knowledge because of
technology
.
Submitted by mmmuuu on

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task response
To improve your score in task response, ensure that your essay not only presents a clear position throughout the response but also fully develops all parts of the task. Consider expanding on how technology might also challenge creativity in some contexts, offering a more balanced view before reinforcing your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and linking words more to enhance the cohesion of your essay. Transition smoothly between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive consumption
  • instant gratification
  • creative content creation
  • problem-solving skills
  • streaming services
  • social media platforms
  • online tutorials
  • enhancing creativity
  • digital age
  • technological advancements
  • cognitive skills
  • innovation
  • interactive platforms
  • virtual reality
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