IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The benefits of computers in modern society far outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 digital era, everyone is using technology
such
Linking Words
 as
computers
Use synonyms
. Some believe that it has more drawbacks than benefits
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it has more advantages. In my view, it has more positive impacts by using desktop
computers
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, by improving technologies in modern society, human beings can learn and research a lot of things
such
Linking Words
 as natural disasters. From an educational point of view, students can learn numerous interesting things
such
Linking Words
 as science, Physics and chemistry.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, learners can learn with a laptop at home or anywhere without going to class and lectures.
For example
Linking Words
, during covid-19 pandemic, many students learned their lessons and other things
such
Linking Words
 as language and dancing classes or drawing courses at home. I believe that it is the advance of technology and the pros of using
computers
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, human beings can learn anything by using a computer anytime and anywhere. It can save time and be more effective. From the economic point of view, a lot of business needs to maintain their data and privacy at the present.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, they put their data and keep on the screen monitor or laptop by making security codes to prevent getting out the privacy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other workplaces
such
Linking Words
 as hotels and hospitals keep their customer's data and records in their software and every company’s finance department needs to utilize advanced Excel to calculate customers’ payments and staff’s salaries. In conclusion, it has both positive and negative impacts on using personal
computers
Use synonyms
. But, if humans use correctly their items, it has positive impacts.
By contrast
Linking Words
, when they serve in incorrect ways, I believe that it has a negative impact on it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should prohibit the use of incorrect ways
such
Linking Words
 as sexual content.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, your essay needs a clearer logical structure; ideas should flow more naturally from one to the other. Make use of cohesive devices to create better connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Though the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved to better reflect the complexity of the argument and provide a clearer recapitulation of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points with specific examples gives strength to an argument but be sure that these examples are detailed and relevant to the point being made. You should strive to include more detailed examples in your body paragraphs to support your ideas.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered. This means that if the task asks for an opinion, the essay should provide a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
When developing your ideas, aim to create clear, comprehensive points that are expanded with explanation and example. Some ideas in the essay are listed but not fully developed.
task achievement
Use a range of relevant, specific examples to exemplify your points. The examples given in the essay are not fully explored and lack depth, which can leave the points less convincing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: