IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature
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In the twenty-first century, the issue of criminal activities has gained significant attention in many countries. Generally speaking,
while
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people
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 might behave illegally because of their nurture, I believe that
people
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 break the laws
due to
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 the
environment
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.
To begin
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 with, there are some reasons why some
people
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 believe that
people
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 break legal regulations based on their personality traits.
Firstly
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, aggressive and impatient
people
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 would probably behave against the laws easily.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
such
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 groups would usually try to use violence to solve problems, and
hence
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 they might become outlaws.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who are greedy would perhaps challenge legal
legislations
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legislation
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. In
order
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other
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 words,
people
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 who desire to become exceptional affluent would possibly rob the bank or steal credit cards in order to make quick money. Indeed, based on these personality traits, criminals do not obey the law.
However
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, I feel that the
environment
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 would be the main reason to push
people
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 to commit illegal actions. For one thing, poor living conditions would lead to
people
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 acting against legal regulations. Petty criminals,
for example
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, pickpocket strangers when it comes to meeting their basic needs. For another, wealth inequality would result in an ever-growing crime rate as well.
That is
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,
people
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 would perform anti-social
behaviors
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behaviours
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 out of jealousy as long as they learn about the fantastic and untouchable upper-class lifestyles.
As a result
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, the
environment
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 seems the major issue of an increasing crime rate.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some reasons indicate that
the
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apply
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personality traits would cause
people
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 to commit
the
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apply
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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, I consider that
people
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 would behave against the legal regulations because of the
environment
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.
Submitted by apss1943 on

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content
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence
Work on linking your ideas and paragraphs more effectively for better coherence.
vocabulary
Expand your vocabulary to include a wider range of words and expressions.
grammar
Continue to work on using a variety of sentence structures and grammar forms.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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