IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenagers
The gifts
are depend
Suggestion
depend
are depending
 on ages of people,
whom
the person or persons that; the one that
who
are given
Suggestion
has given
gives
is giving
 to,
such
 as toys for children and dresses for old lady.
Moreover
, some people believe that the best gifts for teenagers are
money
.
However
, others people disagree. I strongly agree with the statement and discuss both
point
Suggestion
points
 of view. For teenagers, giving
money
 for them is
very good idea
Suggestion
a very good idea
 because most parents or others people do not know their preference. From my experience, my mom gave me a lamp for reading some books, which is not necessary for me because the LED light in my room is enough to read a book. If the parents give them
money
, not only they can buy something that they
want but
Accept comma addition
want, but
also
 save some
money
 in the bank to use it in the future.
However
, some people do not like
this
 idea. Not only teenager’s
money
 managing skill is very
poor but
Accept comma addition
poor, but
also
 do not think about saving
money
.
This
 reason may make some parents not allow to give
money
 as a gift for their children. Despite the best gift for teenagers,
money
 still is not given as the gifts by some people.
On the other hand
, if parents give them
money
 for a present, they can buy something that they prefer and practice
money
 managing skill. Sadly, most teenagers cannot manage about using
money
that is
 why some parent disagree
to
Suggestion
with
this
 idea.
Submitted by cruangong18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: