IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures

#people #music #cultures
The majority of people think that
music
 plays a vital role in our modern world, which can get rid of
culture
 and generation differences. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
 point of view for many reasons. On the one hand,
music
 is likely to broaden people’s horizon to welcome various cultures all over the world. It is needless to say that each country has their own tradition that performs their
culture
 and norms.
Music
 can reduce
this
culture
 gap and be a good method to help individuals to have a better cooperation with other people.
Moreover
, we must admit that local accent in many regions is the biggest challenge in communication.
However
, with a song,
this
 obstacle can be a tiny problem.
For example
, international
music
 festivals in Hue, which have been taken place every two years, provide citizens all around the world with
opportunity
Suggestion
opportunities
the opportunity
an opportunity
 to access nation’s
culture
Suggestion
Culture
e
Suggestion
E
 and have deeper understanding about it.
On the other hand
, there is no boundary of age when it comes to
music
, which gives
a
Suggestion
an
 everlasting connection between the adolescents and
the the
definite article
the
older
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
.
Accept space
.
Music
 is a common ground, considered a popular pastime for almost all ages.
This
 is
also
 the magical psychological therapies for medical treatment. In the other words, we can say that
music
 and its rhythm can heal hurts and gather many people who have the same symptoms to take part in
treatment process
Suggestion
the treatment process
.
For instance
, patients, who have a trouble with their mental health and have a headache from time to time, are encouraged to enjoy meditation
music
 classes to keep their soul balance. Most people can practice
this
 solution and it does not require any specific ages. We cannot deny the importance of
music
 in our lives and its ability to glue people from
multitude
Suggestion
a multitude
 of cultural sectors and ages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: