Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The wide
range
of courses available in tertiary institutions constitute
a tempting incentive for many students to investigate them as a hobby. Many argue Change the verb form
constitutes
this
will arm them with a more comprehensive toolkit while
others, including me, believe that college students ought to concentrate on their particular path if they desire a bright future.
On the one hand, having the opportunity to broaden your perspective through studying a variety of formal subjects can be advantageous. The merits can represent themselves in terms of practicality and higher status in society and among friends, for example
. Owing to the vast range
of knowledge acquired, this
group will develop an ability to analyse daily phenomenons
meticulously by adopting a holistic approach. Replace the word
phenomena
Thus
, this
distinguished characteristic will give them a special status among others who will regard them as geniuses and tremendous pragmatic figures.
On the other hand
, others, like me, argue that acquiring in-depth knowledge of any specific field of science or the arts is the key for
being recognised as a professional in the nation. If you witness a leaking pipe, Change preposition
to
for instance
, would you search for the guy with the highest skill or someone who knows something on
a wide Change preposition
about
range
of fields? Meanwhile, this
group vehemently refuses the functionality of a narrow depth but broad range
of information and instead
wholeheartedly recommends students to perfect their field and become masters who
everybody would look for Change the pronoun
whom
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
their competencies.
In conclusion, while
gathering a marginal amount of practical information on other subjects could be entertaining and provide a higher social status among relatives, the second group, including myself, argue that concentrating on a single field is paramount. Furthermore
, everybody will have a profession in the future and only those with perfect competencies, merits and aptitudes will achieve their dreams and flourish in both personal and professional life.Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on
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coherence cohesion
Develop more logical connections between paragraphs and ideas to improve coherence.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, covering the task requirements.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?