Some people think that the use of computers in primary and secondary schools makes education more enjoyable and efficient, while others believe that too much dependence on computers causes both physical and emotional problems. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #computers #schools #education #dependence #points

Computers

are increasingly common in schools everywhere.

While

the benefits of

such

technology

are obvious, there are

also

some people who believe relying on

technology

is harmful. I personally believe that

technology

has a role to play in schools, but needs to be used with care. The main advantage is that learning

computers

are very convenient and save a lot of time for both teachers and

children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because the

children

are able to work faster and do more tasks.

For example

, they can draw and write emails, which they can send to friends, and make “electronic” projects on subjects

such

as animals and plants.

Moreover

, the teacher can make education enjoyable by using colourful images and videos from the internet.

As a result

, both the teacher and the

children

will enjoy learning.

Thus

technology

is a very useful tool.

However

, there are several problems. The main drawback is that using

technology

can cause physical problems for people of all ages, including

children

. Prolonged staring at computer screens can lead to eyesight deterioration.

For example

, in Japan, the percentage of childhood myopia has increased by 20% in the past ten years

due to

the widespread of smartphones. The computer

also

causes some mental problems

such

as poor concentration. It is often said that blue light which are emitted by

computers

causes sleeping

disorder

Fix the agreement mistake

disorders

show examples

which makes people irritated easily.

Therefore

computers

have a negative impact on the human body. In conclusion, taking both viewpoints into full consideration, I stand by the opinion that

computers

can still be beneficial as long as a teacher should be careful not to have negative effects on

children

’s health.

Submitted by yuko.yamazaki914 on Sun Aug 18 2019

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task response

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the logical structure of your essay is consistently clear and cohesive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Interactive learning
Educational technology
Personalized learning
Digital literacy
Student engagement
Health concerns
Social interaction
Overreliance
Distraction
Privacy concerns
Security issues
Eye strain
Physical health
Emotional well-being
Critical thinking

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