IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offenses
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is a statement that the only
method
 of improving
road
safety
 is to implement harsh punishments for driving violations. Personally,
this
method
 can be effective to some extent but I believe that there are still more possible solutions.
Firstly
, the implementation of harsher punishments can have a great impact on
people
’s awareness and reduce
traffic
 accidents, which is beneficial for improving
road
safety
. The more
people
 know about how much lawbreakers will be fined, the more they will be in fear of committing offences.
For instance
, if there is a spreading news saying that drunk drivers are fined 50$
instead
 of 20$ as usual, it will attract the huge attention of not only drivers but
also
people
 who hear of the news and
also
 successfully raise individuals’ awareness.
Moreover
, there can be a reduction in the number of
traffic
 accidents
due to
 the fear of getting punishments for
traffic
 violations.
In other words
, with the fear of being punished,
people
 will become more careful
while
 driving, contributing to making high-accidental roads less dangerous and minimizing the number of accidents.
Besides
, there are still various other solutions to cope with driving violations and boost
road
safety
. One suggested solution is to harden driving tests in order to ensure that drivers are skilful enough to get driving licenses, encouraging
people
 to obey
traffic
 regulations properly.
Furthermore
, involving driving rules in the curriculum at schools can be an effective
method
. Teaching children about
road
safety
 early can form a mindset for following
traffic
 laws strictly when they grow up, resulting in better
road
safety
.
To sum up
,
while
 the idea of imposing stricter penalties to minimize
traffic
 offences can be beneficial for enhancing
road
safety
, I believe that
this
 is not the only
method
, but there are still more ways to deal with
this
 problem.
Submitted by vannessnguyenlhp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have effectively provided a complete response to the task and have provided clear and comprehensive ideas. However, try to develop more specific examples to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical structure and includes both an introduction and a conclusion. However, paying slightly more attention to the transitions between paragraphs could make the essay flow even better.
task achievement
You have successfully provided a complete response to the question, clearly stating your stance and supporting it with logical arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well developed, effectively framing your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: