IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. To what extent do you agree?

#teenagers #phones #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
last
Linking Words
 decade, cellular phone usage has increased manifolds.
This
Linking Words
 trend has particularly affected our younger generation. Using these devices, particularly in the context of schools, if often argued about. Some advocate banning the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile devices in schools; others disagrees. In my opinion,
school
Use synonyms
 going teens should not be permitted to
use
Use synonyms
 these gadgets while attending
school
Use synonyms
. I believe, that permitting
use
Use synonyms
 of cellular devices results in loss of concentration among students.
In other words
Linking Words
, these gadgets distracts students from attentively listening to lectures being delivered by their teachers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they not only miss important academic content, but
also
Linking Words
 fail to take part in class discussions and activities. My daughter's
school
Use synonyms
 and many other renowned schools in Pakistan, have realized the negative implication of
this
Linking Words
 trend, and impose strong fines to discourage
this
Linking Words
 practise.
Besides
Linking Words
 loss of interest in academic activities, limited extra curricular activities among
school
Use synonyms
 going teenagers is yet another growing concern that stems from the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile phones. I hold the opinion that they spend their entire leisure time using mobiles. Clearly,
this
Linking Words
 mobile addiction deprives them from participating in sports or arts related events.
This
Linking Words
 dispels the idea of allowing students to
use
Use synonyms
 mobiles. To conclude, supervised
use
Use synonyms
 of mobiles at home may have certain benefits.
However
Linking Words
, I am confident that the
use
Use synonyms
 of cellular phones in schools does not let a child fully experience the
school
Use synonyms
 environment by negatively affecting both his studies and extra curricular capabilities.
Submitted by zunera.zahid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: