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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past employees worked for small businesses but now many are working for large businesses. What are the advantages and dis advantages of this trend ?

#employees #businesses #dis #trend
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It is thought by some that people in the past tended to apply for small companies
instead
 of going to large businesses. In
this
 essay, both advantages and disadvantages will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that individuals in the past were more hard-working, relentless and industrious than people in these years because they believed that hard
work
 could help them
further
 their career paths. The population decide to
work
 in small organisations, which have a small number of
employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because these companies give them tremendous experience as they have an opportunity to do numerous tasks.
For instance
, a man, who applies for a structural engineering position, does not only do the calculation part,
additionally
, he needs to perform other tasks
such
 as drawing, inspecting and supervising at construction sites
due to
 the lack of manpower.
However
, he still feels delighted and content with these tasks as he will gain more experience and use them to
further
 their future.
On the other hand
, there are several small companies that have bad organisation.
Therefore
,
employees
 who
work
 in these offices might encounter problems
such
 as poor
work
-life balance since they need to spend more than regular working
hours
 to
work
 and clock up overtime to meet a deadline.
For example
, normal working
hours
 total 8
hours
 long,
conversely
, these people need to
work
 up to 10-12
hours
 in order to finish their assignments.
Moreover
, not only working all day
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 mental health badly, but it
also
 causes health issues, namely obesity in order that
employees
 need to sit at desks all the time.
Overall
, there are many reasons why the population in the past chose to apply for small businesses.
Although
 citizens might approach a poor
work
-life balance and health issues
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 working, it gives many benefits to
employees
such
 as experience to
further
 their future.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the disadvantages of working for large businesses to provide a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Try to use more advanced vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the essay further.
coherence cohesion
Include clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Vary your use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are supported with relevant examples, making the arguments more persuasive.
logical structure
There is a logical structure to the essay, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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