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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, schools are open late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

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In certain areas, institutions work till late evening.
Hence
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, the
parents
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 get chaos at their workstation as their children are safe in their classes.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages relating to my viewpoint. On the one hand, it is always better for the mothers and fathers to concentrate on the job without any hindrance with respect to their
children
Change noun form
children's
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pick up
Add a hyphen
pick-up
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 time from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school. There are
day cares
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daycares
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 available in most of the institutions after their school period so that the kids can spend their leisure period with the toys in the play area.
For example
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, in
India
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India,
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 an institution named 'KLAY' has the class timing from morning 7am to 2pm. And, after 2pm the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 take care of them until their
parents
Use synonyms
 reach the venue to escort them to their respective
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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.
Hence
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,
parents
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 feel relaxed in their duties and can plan to reach the venue on time depending upon the traffic from their office.
On the other hand
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, there are certain drawbacks for the children if they don'
t
Use synonyms
 meet their guardians at the right time. They feel the missing of sharing their discussions with them and henceforth, there will be a definite gap in the communication between them.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey in Japan, the guardians work late after reaching home and they don'
t
Use synonyms
 share their happiness with their kids which results
Add the preposition
in
from
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an unhealthy relationship among them. In conclusion, there are benefits for the
parents
Use synonyms
 as they can decide the period to leave
from
Change preposition
apply
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the job area depending upon the traffic to reach the school.
However
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, there are multiple drawbacks as the pupils don'
t
Use synonyms
 receive proper guidance from their
parents
Use synonyms
 as they are busy with their work.

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to clearly address all parts of the prompt. Provide a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages. Expand on the points with more depth and analysis.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas in a more logical sequence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words to connect ideas effectively.
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