IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many nations aim to use economic development to improve their living
standards
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 leads to the loss of social
values
Use synonyms
. Despite the loss of the
countries
Use synonyms
' social
values
Use synonyms
, I believe that
countries
Use synonyms
' development of their living
standards
Use synonyms
 is beneficial because it allows citizens to have good lives and makes
countries
Use synonyms
 more advanced.
Countries
Use synonyms
' improvement in their living may lead them to lose their social
values
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the development of the
economy
Use synonyms
 needs changes in the rules which include the social rules
such
Linking Words
 as allowing men and women to work at the same place in some reserved
countries
Use synonyms
,
Also
Linking Words
, to develop the
economy
Use synonyms
 there is a need for improvement of the
countries
Use synonyms
' constructions and the addition of parties which attract tourists from other
countries
Use synonyms
 who have different social
values
Use synonyms
 to visit these
countries
Use synonyms
 and positively affect their
economy
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the new rules in Saudi Arabia allow women tourist from different
countries
Use synonyms
 to have their own choice if they want to wear Al- Hijab. Improvement of the
economy
Use synonyms
 allows
countries
Use synonyms
 to be more advanced in all aspects.
This
Linking Words
 is because these improvements make
countries
Use synonyms
 economically wealthy and have high living
standards
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes them have modern buildings and advancements in technology, ways of transportation and medical care which make their citizens live the best life.
For instance
Linking Words
, Saudi Arabia is one of the biggest nations in
economy
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the government's focus on improving the country's
standards
Use synonyms
 of living. In conclusion, Even though many
countries
Use synonyms
 will lose the value in order to have a good life by developing their
economy
Use synonyms
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 will have a strong impact on their living as they will become one of the most advanced nations
Submitted by sam  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure you provide more relevant and specific examples that strongly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between ideas to strengthen coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the main argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
complete response
You have succeeded in addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
What to do next:
Look at other essays: