IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity
Use synonyms
 is the excess amount of fat found in an individual’s
body leading
Accept comma addition
body, leading
 to many different diseases. It is one of the major issues found in many countries these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show how a serious
issue it
Accept comma addition
issue, it
 is & the solutions we can follow to fight against it. Rich countries like US, UK, and many more
obesity
Use synonyms
 is seen from a
younger
Suggestion
young
 age as well.
This
Linking Words
 generation loves to eat
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 over healthy
food
Use synonyms
. The taste is the only thing children care about in
food
Use synonyms
 these days. People have started forgetting how
this
Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 has had lead to
obesity
Use synonyms
 in
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of
people which
Accept comma addition
people, which
 has resulted
into
Suggestion
in
 various diseases like diabetes, blood pressure, heart diseases, etc. People should take care of their health and avoid eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. Government should take strict actions against it to control
obesity
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance they
Accept comma addition
instance, they
 can increase the taxes on
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 or make
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 difficult to be available for public.
Also
Linking Words
,
strict
Suggestion
stricter
 laws can be made so that unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 making companies can be automatically reduced. To fight
Use synonyms
obesity
Suggestion
obese
 people should be involved in healthy activities like dieting, exercising, yoga, drinking
of
Suggestion
in
to
 excess of water, and eat fruits and other healthy items. To conclude the public and government should come together to fight against
obesity
Use synonyms
. Many countries are already suffering from
this
Linking Words
 major health issue, so significant actions should be definitely taken against it as suggested
above so
Accept comma addition
above, so
 that it can be controlled and people can start living a healthy life.
Submitted by vaishalibhardwaj2010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: