IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it could cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
In the
last
 few decades, the retirement age has been the centre of debate in both developed and developing countries. Some people argue that the demerits of over-age working outweigh its merits, while others strictly disagree with
this
 statement. I strongly share the former group’s view. In the following, the disadvantages of over-age occupation will be discussed. The
first
 and foremost consequence of widening the maximum retirement age is the increasing number of unemployed juveniles.
For instance
, many companies prefer keeping their experience employees rather than investing in the recruitment of younger scholars.
As a result
, the society would face the growing level of educated labouring poor. It is
also
 beneficial to consider the importance of technical knowledge.
Although
 tacit knowledge is of great value amongst workers, explicit knowledge should not be overlooked. An example to illustrate the point is technology-driven industries. They must consider the impact of up-to-date education on the success of their final services and gadgets. Another flip side is adverse health impacts and decrease in productivity. Individuals who are above 60 years old, have strived for the majority of their lives. Escalating stress levels from work leads to various health complications putting a strain on the healthcare system.
Hence
, working beyond retirement age may worsen the overall welfare of individuals and adversely impact the economy. In the light of
this
 evidence, it is clear that hiring the young workforce has more benefits than sticking to the elderly ones.
Therefore
, by ignoring the mentioned facts, organizations will encounter heavy financial problems and in the course of time their brand image will be lost.
Submitted by f.nazari.safarzadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: