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Band 6

Some young people are leaving the countrside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countrside #cities #towns #countryside #situation
There is no doubt that these days
cities
 have many opportunities. So, some
people
 think that when they
move
 from
villages
 to towns would be better.
While
 others like to live in the
countryside
. In
this
 essay I will discuss both sides and the problems that will result from
this
 phenomenon,
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
 draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand,
people
 at the beginning of their lives would like to live
an
Change preposition
in an
show examples
 environment rich with opportunities.
For example
, fresh graduate students mostly they will mostly choose to
move
 to
cities
 rather than the
countryside
. So, that's why some think that towns are the best choice to
livein
Correct your spelling
live in
.
On the other hand
, the elderly best to live in a place far from noise and crowds,so they prefer to live in
villages
. To illustrate, researchers say that 70 per cent of the
countryside
 population are old
people
.
Hence
 the belief that
villages
 are not the perfect place for young
people
.
Moreover
, there will be problems if all the young
people
move
 to towns.
Firstly
, there will be no economic life in
villages
.
Secondly
,
cities
' immature population will jump which will result in an unbalanced proportion.
For instance
, New York has the highest teenage population in the world.
This
 proves that when young
people
move
 to
cities
 it will produce inequivalent proportions. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of view, I believe that life requires balance.
lastly
, Governments should raise the opportunities in the
countryside
 to
lemet
Correct your spelling
limit
let
 the teenagers migrate to
cities
.
Submitted by lynalhelal on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both the causes and potential solutions. To achieve higher marks, ensure that your arguments are fully developed and substantiated with specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct typos and grammatical errors. Attention to such details can enhance clarity and coherence.
task achievement
To improve clarity and make your points more convincing, expand on your reasons and examples. Explain why cities attract youth and how exactly the countryside suffers from their departure.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well.
task achievement
You have identified the main problem and suggested a reasonable solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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