IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people think that
music
Use synonyms
 can make people from different cultural and age groups close together. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea,
although
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 in some cases cannot cause people friendly to each other. There are some types of
music
Use synonyms
 that tear us apart, let alone bring people closer together. People at different ages, often have different tastes of
music
Use synonyms
. It is difficult to bring older people closer to young people with some modern songs that appeals to old people to be a meaningless variety of ‘boy meets girl’.
Also
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 with offensive words of age, race or sexual discriminations can create cultural, ethnic and political conflicts.
However
Linking Words
, I think that
music
Use synonyms
 can bond people around the world, crossing cultural barriers and age gaps.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
the
music
Use synonyms
 is composed to express artist’s experiences of happiness or sadness that listeners tend to connect emotionally to their own and make connections and sang in less common languages that could attract the public attention. Public audiences from different languages and cultures left comments that show their mutual feeling and opinion about the
music
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many people are connected and share their opinion on social issues when they listen to
music
Use synonyms
 that inspire social changes
such
Linking Words
 as equity or against discriminations. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 can bring people together no matter what we are. Of course, it is not true in all cases, but I think that
music
Use synonyms
 is a good way to create a warm friendship between people of different cultures and ages.
Submitted by dungrhoang97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: