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Band 5.5

Some people say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age #work
These
days
Suggestion
day
 population believes that an innumerable number of social members are leading a life with greater longevity and should extend their working-
age
 limit by considering their survival.
Although
 extending the working
age
 limit might cause a reduction of work performances and irregularities, it can be more beneficial to increase self-dependency and help to maintain good
health
. I
thus
, firmly agree with the above statement presented. I elucidate my stand in the following paragraph. The
first
 and predominant reason for the increasing work-
age
 limit is nothing but self-dependency.
In other words
, to maintain one’s own expense without depending on family members and government agencies. To justify I would quote the example of a recent statistics and Television documentary which showed that 60% of young generations of Bangladesh refuses to bear the expenses of their elderly parents after retirement. That means being unemployed makes them dependent on their children.
In addition
, it bound them to proceed
in
Suggestion
to
 the elderly home.
Furthermore
, working at an extended
age
 is helpful to keep
health
Suggestion
healthy
 in a
hearty
Suggestion
heart
 condition. To
exemplify we
Accept comma addition
exemplify, we
 can consider that most government employees in Bangladesh die immediately after their retirements or engages with diabetics through their working ages and end up with a harsh consequence.
This
 clarifies that being involved in something helps them to be happy and enjoy
work
Suggestion
a work
the work
-life with sound
health
.
On the other hand
, it is undeniably true that the human brain decelerates after a certain
age
 and in that particular period, one should rest and relax rather than doing hard work.
However
, performing a task at an elderly
age
 leads to low efficiency and
health
 hazards. In conclusion, I recapitulate that extending the
age
 of working is more beneficial than to retire people at a certain
age
.
Last
 but not least, it will make people happy and self-dependent which eventually results in living a long life.
Submitted by maxman016 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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