IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there has been a heated debate about whether the income of artists and athletes should be higher than that of doctors, teachers or engineers. Some claim that p
roffesional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
workers should earn more than those working in the field of sports and entertainment for their contribution to
society
Use synonyms
. Personally, though I agree that p
roffesional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
professionals
workers are the main driving force of t
oday
Suggestion
today's
todays
society
Use synonyms
, the p
ossitive
characterized by or displaying affirmation or acceptance or certainty etc.
positive
influence of artists and athletes should not be taken lightly. On the one side, p
roffesional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
workers are directly responsible for the technological advancement, which has shaped the course of history and will continue to mould the future of a country.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many developed nations, the technology has allowed the economy to sustain its steady growth speed, ensuring the nation’s prospect of a prosperous future. F
uthermore,
in addition
Furthermore
 scientists with their vast knowledge are able to identify potential dangers to devise strategies and methods to protect mankind.To be more specific, thanks to the work of doctors and p
hamacists
a health professional trained in the art of preparing and dispensing drugs
pharmacists
pharmacist
numerous previously fatal diseases can now be cured, saving millions of lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people working in the fields of sports and showbiz can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
society
Use synonyms
 by inspiring others to perfect themselves in various aspects.
In particular
Linking Words
, sportsmen
such
Linking Words
 as Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps have set examples of determination and hard work for children and a
lduts
a fully developed person from maturity onward
adults
adult's
alike around the world while actors
such
Linking Words
 as Keanu Reeves and Ewan McGregor taught them the l
eason
a unit of instruction
lesson
lessons
of kindness to the less fortunate.
Additionally
Linking Words
, s
portmen
someone who engages in sports
sportsmen
and artists can bring fame and name t
o
Suggestion
of
the countries through their actions and a
chivements.
the action of accomplishing something
achievements
For example
Linking Words
, together with the rise of Maradona in the 1950s, Argentina saw a massive increase in its popularity, making it a well-known tourist destination by 1960. In conclusion, both p
roffesional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
workers and s
portmen
someone who engages in sports
sportsmen
or artists contribute greatly to
society
Use synonyms
 in various forms. In my opinion, it would be i
napporiate
not exact
inaccurate
to simply judge the size of a person’s contribution to evaluate how much he/she should earn.
Submitted by mailinh.vutran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: