IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Now people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes? What are the effects on individual and society?

#people #time #home #effects #society
In
this
 generation nowadays many people are not spending quality
time
 with their beloved family members due to their work schedules and same
time
 busy with social media like Facebook
,
Accept space
,
 Instragram. In
this
 essay will discuss all the negative effects impacted on
personal life
Suggestion
the personal life
personal lives
 and society.
Firstly
, In the
globalization many
Accept comma addition
globalization, many
 people are working in different
timezones
Suggestion
time zones
 for job and same
time
 they have a
dreams
Suggestion
dream
 to grow as manager and other bigger positions
therefore are
Suggestion
therefore is
mostely
in large part; mainly or chiefly
mostly
 busy with office
work
Accept comma addition
work, hence
hence
 they don't spend
valueable
having great material or monetary value especially for use or exchange
valuable
time
 with family members
forthis
Suggestion
for this
 issue divorce
cases
Suggestion
case
 are
increasred
made greater in size or amount or degree
increased
 because no one
speding
the act of spending or disbursing money
spending
 personal life with
partner
Suggestion
a partner
 and
completly
to a complete degree or to the full or entire extent
completely
 forget about relationships.
For Example
 In USA 30% divorce cases
are increased
Suggestion
increase
 in lot one year due to no
co-ordination
the skillful and effective interaction of movements
coordination
 between wife and husband and same
time
 these cases
are coming
Suggestion
come
have come
 before their
fisrt
preceding all others in time or space or degree
first
fist
anniversiry
the date on which an event occurred in some previous year (or the celebration of it)
anniversary
.
Secondly
,
Now a days
Suggestion
Nowadays
 young people are busy with social media like Facebook and Instragram
becuase
for the reason that; on account of
because
 all the closed members are spending very less
time
 in home henceforth they are easily attracted to
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and they are easily learning
unwated
not wanted; not needed
unwanted
 things like criminal activities like using drugs and drinking and making new relationship with unknown persons
therefore
 it's automatically effected to
nation
Suggestion
the nation
 because of crime rate increasing and nation growth.
For Example
 in developing countries like Brazil and India the new
crimal
someone who has committed a crime or has been legally convicted of a crime
criminal
crime
 activities are increased like online
frund
a person you know well and regard with affection and trust
friend
friends
ground
 and most of the
this
gangs
Suggestion
gang
 are
below
Suggestion
under
 25 years age. In conclusion, In
this
 generation many people are spending very less
time
in
Suggestion
at
 home their fore it's
distubing
causing distress or worry or anxiety
disturbing
 family life and increased divorce cases in many nations and same
time
 due no eye on
kids they
Suggestion
the kids, they
the kids they
 are moving
crimal
someone who has committed a crime or has been legally convicted of a crime
criminal
 activities like
drungs
a substance that is used as a medicine or narcotic
drugs
 and drinkings using internet
hence
 it's effected to the society.
Submitted by chigurupati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: