IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people are exercising less. Some people say that by watching major sport events on television such as the Olympics, people can be encouraged to exercise. Others say there are other ways to encourage people to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #events #television #olympics #exercise
The importance of
exercise
 cannot be over-emphasized. While some people are of the perception that viewing core sport programmes on television screens will motivate people to work out more, others think there are other methods to make people do so. I,
however
, support the latter for a number of reasons.
To begin
 with, those that say by watching sports people will engage in it more say so because nowadays people tend to aggravate towards and do what their icons do.
This
 is because they see them as role models and want to attain the level of agility and activity that they possess
such
 that it will make them less sedentary in nature. A good example is a
teenage
a juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity
teenager
 who recently got signed up by a popular football club, when interviewed, he said he picked up the interest after watch Ronaldo on screen
hence
 consistently exercising to practice and perform better.
This
 is to show the impact that aired sport events have on people.
On the other hand
, I believe that periodical health campaigns and charity fund-raising walks will make people
exercise
 more.
Firstly
, by making people know their numbers, with respect to blood test values for pressure, glucose and lipids, people will be more aware of their health and be more intentional about their lifestyle when they know that engaging in
exercise
 will reduce sedentary levels.
In addition
, fund-raising walks will make people
exercise
 more because when people find a cause which they are passionate about and would mean them soliciting for funds through walks, they will definitely participate in it.
For
example is
Accept comma addition
example, is
 renovating an old town hall. In conclusion, I do not agree that watching important sport programmes
such
 as FIFA that are aired on television screens would make people
work-out
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
workout
worked
more but
Accept comma addition
more, but
 health campaigns and awareness as well as fun-raising walks will help.

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  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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