Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that

children

Use synonyms

should take basic

money

Use synonyms

values lessons in the classroom. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

view and believe that basic skills related to finance

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

an important role in the future life of

children

Use synonyms

Money

Use synonyms

issues have become an essential part of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

over recent years.

Children

Use synonyms

should be taught how to manage a budget wisely

Change preposition

show examples

an earlier age in

schools

Use synonyms

Otherwise

Linking Words

, those who have never been taught basic

money

Use synonyms

values in elementary or primary school suffer from financial constraints when they become an adult.

For example

Linking Words

, economy experts say that some adults,

which

Fix the agreement mistake

who

show examples

have a lesson which covers

finance-related-topics

Correct your spelling

finance-related topics

show examples

have a knowledge of finance management

whereas

Linking Words

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

lack of ability to manage cash issues.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the lesson

how

Change preposition

on how

show examples

to handle budget should be a necessity in

schools

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

the lesson would be very beneficial to pupils, some people may think that the lessons about financial issues are not the responsibility of

schools

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, it is not a justified claim since

children

Use synonyms

spend most of their time in educational institutions.

For example

Linking Words

since

Change preposition

show examples

early

Add an article

an early

show examples

age, they can save

money

Use synonyms

for educational goals and

then

Linking Words

have an opportunity to study at a top university.

Moreover

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

can hire certificated experts or teachers

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

studied

Wrong verb form

study

show examples

Economy

Correct article usage

the Economy

show examples

. If those experts give economy lessons to

children

Use synonyms

, they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

have a greater knowledge of cash management when they have a student life as a university student, and become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

or parents. In conclusion, cash management

had

Verb problem

was

show examples

not

been

Verb problem

apply

show examples

an important topic

Change preposition

apply

show examples

before consumerism arose in

1990s

Change the article

the 1990s

show examples

, but today,

children

Use synonyms

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

better

acquire

Wrong verb form

acquired

show examples

the ability

of managing

Replace the preposition

to manage

show examples

a budget by taking financial responsibility courses in

schools

Use synonyms

. So, they can make logical decisions on

finance-related-topics

Correct your spelling

finance-related topics

show examples

in future.

yagizaydin18

Sep 11, 2019

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Task Response

The essay responds well to the prompt by presenting a clear opinion and supporting arguments. However, ensure that the examples provided are directly related to the main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively. Make sure to maintain consistency in transitions between paragraphs for improved coherence.

Task Response

Clear opinion presented with supporting arguments

Coherence and Cohesion

Well-structured introduction and conclusion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial literacy
budgeting
savings and investment
financial responsibility
school curriculum
mathematics integration
social studies
debt prevention
credit score
wise financial decisions
parental responsibility
structured education
real-world experiences
internships
personal finance

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