There are many extinct animal's species in the world. Some people think we should protect animals from dying out, while others believe we should spend more time on problems of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
Industrialization has changed the world completely and has made it inhospitable for many wildlife species.
While
many argue that efforts have to be taken to safeguard animals
, another school of thought believes, that these resources can be utilized on the issues faced by society. This
essay will discuss both sides and come to a logical conclusion.
A large variety of animal species have become extinct due to
constant changes to the biosphere as a result
of harmful human activities. Furthermore
, animals
deserve an equal share of this
earth as they also
play an imperative role in maintaining stability in the ecosystem to curb the risks of natural calamity. On top of that, this
world belonged to them before humans
misused it for personal gains. Moreover
, they provide a unique insight into the past and history of the evolution of biological creatures from which humans
can obtain tremendous amounts of knowledge and use it to bring about sustainable advancements which contribute to both human
and wildlife.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
On the other hand
, many would prioritise to solve problems faced by the population. It is undeniable, that to revert the damages caused by humans
on the environment, it will take a significant amount of resources. Moreover
, many would claim that these materials could be used to overcome critical problems experienced by mankind such
as poverty, unemployment, and housing. Additionally
, these resources could be used to provide quality education to every person which can aid in restoring world peace by preventing wars and other pivotal decisions taken irrationally.
In conclusion, when each day animals
are dying out as they are not adequately protected, simultaneously humans
also
encounter major problems. Therefore
, In my opinion, time and money have to be invested in relieving human concerns as a well-educated population can in turn give back to the earth, by conserving various types of animals
and other biological creatures.Submitted by Writing8
on
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task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and reaches a conclusion. However, it could improve by including more relevant specific examples to support the arguments. Providing concrete instances or studies related to animal extinction and human issues can strengthen the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally effective, but there is room for improvement in ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported, but some arguments could be further elaborated. Providing additional details and evidence can enhance the coherence and overall persuasiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion and helps in presenting a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are explored, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated, fulfilling the task requirement adequately.
task achievement
The arguments are generally clear and well-presented, making the essay comprehensible and logically structured.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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